


The Twisted Teety Twister

by Holy_Leonards



Category: Fallout 3, Fallout 4
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, M/M, New Soviet Union, Pussy Lovers, everywhere, vaginas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 15:36:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6382324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick and Male Sole Survivor head down to the Capitol Wasteland in order to lay down some justice on a Russian guy that just signed the United States into a New Soviet Union.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Twisted Teety Twister

**Author's Note:**

> This all started when my boyfriend harassed me with the song Digital Pussy.
> 
> You may listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mL8J8_dxhE

What I learned from this adventure? Never let a Russian make foreign policy decisions. 

Nick and I got a message from a guy that came up to the Commonwealth on business. Apparently, some guy named Dukov had met with people from the former Soviet Union and they wanted to get it back together. Something about rebuilding the world and all of that trash. Anyways, Dukov was the first person that they came in contact with and he tricked them into thinking he ruled the place. So, he signed a couple of documents and now the United States is part of the New Soviet Union. Lucky for us, they have not taken any action to secure the place yet. 

Nick and I packed up that night and made our way down to the Capitol Wasteland to have a few words with this Dukov fella. After a week of travelling through radiation clouds and fighting off the scariest monster you have ever seen, we finally caught a glimpse of that tall hotel. Tenpenny Tower. We tried to stop in for a rest, but they insisted that Nick was some kind of ghoul scum and refused to let us in. Their loss. We would have paid anything for a nice bed. We ended up sleeping in one of the old buildings just outside of the tower. 

The next morning we made our way to Megaton to see if we could get any information on Dukov. Lukas Simms, the sheriff, was a nice guy and he pointed us to the saloon for the information we needed. When Nick and I got in the door, we caught a glimpse of the perfect guy to get the information out of. We looked at each other and nodded. I walked up to the bar and looked the guy right in the opaque eyes. 

“Hey, buddy, we're new in town and are looking for a guy.”

“Well, drunkie, I'm a guy.”

“A sweet guy, too, but I don't think you're the guy we're looking for.”

“Well, give me a name, drunkie.”

“Look, fella, I don't drink. Anyways, we are looking for a man of slavic descent by the name of Dukov.”

Everyone in the saloon jumped to the floor as I said the name. 

“Look, drunkie, you shouldn't be spewing that name around these parts. He's a dangerous man with a lot of spies looking for new people to recruit for his headquarters.”

“Headquarters?”

“Yeah, The Teety Twister.”

“What?”

“You heard me, drunkie.”

I looked at Nick and he just shrugged his shoulders. 

“Where is this...Teety Twister.”

“THE Teety Twister, drunkie. It is southeast a little ways and across the Potomac River.”

“Thank you, uh...what is your name?”

“Gob.”

“Thank you, Gob. If you ever need our services, just give us a holler. We owe you.”

I gave him a wink and we left the saloon. Across the river...we didn't bring our swimming trunks. I had to make a raft out of old driftwood to float us across the shallow river. Nick couldn't come in contact with the water or he would short out. The exposed metal was very sensitive to water. When we got to the other side, we pushed the raft into the river and made our way down the street to The Teety Twister. 

You couldn't miss this building if you tried to. It was the tallest building other than the Washington Monument and it had three huuuuuuuuge neon sign vaginas on the front. Each one was flashing a sexy red color. Nick and I gagged at the sight and went right for the door with our heads pointed down. There were speakers all over the side of the building spreading his terrible Soviet Propaganda.

“Pussy, Pussy, Pussy! Come on in pussy lovers!”

I turned to Nick.

“What a disgusting fuck.”

“You got that right.”

“Should we head in?”

“Yes, but be careful, Nate, this guy sounds like bad news.”

I nodded and then pressed the doorbell. There was a loud message that played across every speaker on the building.

“PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY! COME ON IN PUSSY LOVERS!”

“Guess we should do as he says, Nick.”

I opened the door. Inside, it was dark except for the neon vagina lights that filled the walls all the way to the top of the room. The same message was being played over the PA system in the room, except it was in song form. “We got wet pussy, hairy pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy!” was filling our ears and both Nick and I were disoriented. I couldn't walk straight. I stumbled my way over to the check-in desk, which was run by a woman in a vagina costume. 

“How may I help you today, pussy lover?”

“What!?”

“I said HOW MAY I HELP YOU TODAY, PUSSY LOVER!?”

“I AM LOOKING FOR THE MAN NAMED DUKOV.”

“HE IS IN THE BACK! FOLLOW ME!”

I could barely hear her over the blast of “IT'S A PUSSY BLOWOUT!” Nick and I followed her to the back of the building. We were taken through rows of severed vaginas. All of them had strange prices on them. There were also women in vagina costumes everywhere and not a man in sight. At the back of the room was a door with a giant painted vagina on it.

“DUKOV IS IN HERE! ENJOY YOUR STAY!”

Nick and I went through the door and closed it behind us. It was completely soundproof and the silence was shocking. The room itself was painted all white with several bright lights on the ceiling. There was only a desk, two chairs, and a heart shaped bed in the long room. 

“Welcome to The Teety Twister, pussy lovers!”

Dukov was sitting behind the desk and he stood up to shake our hands. I refused to. 

“Dukov, we are strictly here for business.”

He sat down with a frown. 

“Take a seat then, comrades.”

I took the seat closest to him and Nick sat down next to me. Nick had his pipe revolver in his jacket pocket just in case things got heated.

“Dukov, I hear you have signed some kind of agreement with foreigners recently.”

“I, THE pussy lover, felt that I was the most qualified to sign the document with our comrades.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Because they offered me pussy of course!”

“That's really it?”

“Yes, comrade! You see, The Teety Twister was doing poorly. Not enough pussy lovers in the wasteland! But my comrades, yes, they big pussy lovers! They approve of me slashing pussy and offering it at competitive prices.”

“That's...horrible, Dukov.”

“It is my taste! I am a pussy lover!”

“Well, my boyfriend and I are here to put a stop to this mess. We are from The Commonwealth and the people up that way are not impressed with being a part of some new Soviet Union without having a say in it.”

“Too bad! Only pussy lovers allowed!”

I looked over at Nick and nodded. Nick stood up and pulled out his pistol.

“What you do that for, comrade?”

“We're cleaning up this country for the good of us all.”

Nick pulled the trigger and the pipe revolver kicked up. Pussy-loving brains splattered over the pure white walls. Nick blew the smoke from the barrel and sat back down. He looked over at me. 

“That was exciting.”

“It sure was. All of this excitement has got me going.”

“Me too, Nate. You know, there is a bed in here and the room is sound proof.”

“You kinky bastard. It would be hot to do it on his bed.”

Nick pulled me over by my necktie and he started undressing me.

“Nate, ever since I have been with you, I have enjoyed my job a heck of a lot more. Killing is exciting and it always ends in a thrill.”

“Today's ending will certainly be a thrill.”

Nick's eyes brightened and he lay back. I took off his coat and pants and flipped him over on his tummy. 

“Poor guy didn't know what he was missing out on. This hole feels so much better than pussy.”

“Slip it in me, Nate, I am dying!”

I did as he said. Right there on the dead guy's bed. He probably bedded hundreds of women on it and now I am balls deep inside my man. It felt good, really good. I hate to admit that I did not last very long that time. It was too hot for me. I filled up his pleasure hole within five minutes and then we got back to looking professional. We had to navigate our way through the pussy nightmare before we were free from the place. We used the darkness to our advantage and dodged the vagina-clad women. 

Once outside, we made our way back to Megaton to pay a visit to that Gob fella for ending round two.


End file.
